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What I learned about being in a toxic relationship.

I wrote lose me about my toxic relationship. The relationship was about 7 years long (off and on). I have no regrets, it inspired my book lose me available on amazon and would do it again to gain the lessons I learned from this relationship.

This is what I learned:

1. How hard it is to break that cycle and how even after that person is gone, you still miss them and that’s ok!

2. To always put yourself first, in my previous relationship I would always think about the other person, for most of the relationship I wasn’t focused on my life, my needs or wants. Which was toxic of me.

3. Which leads me to my 3rd point realizing that if you’re in a toxic relationship, you’re toxic. I’m toxic (yes, written in the present tense). There’s nothing wrong with that, everyone has experiences in this lifetime we need to unlearn.

4. You must accept things as they’re to change them. I don’t mean changing the other person. I mean to change yourself. That’s the only thing you can change.

5. The attachment in a toxic relationship is so strong. I started my journey by going to therapy. Once I healed other parts of me, childhood trauma and other dramatic events in my life. I was able to have a better understanding of myself and what led me to the relationship I was in.

6. Have compassion for yourself, no one has lived your life, no one has gone through the things that you’ve gone through and once you accept yourself you can have a lot more compassion for yourself.

7. Your partner has also had their share of struggles, which has impacted the way they function in relationships. The way they act has nothing to do with you. It’s not about you! Don’t make it mean anything if they can’t love you in the way, you need them to.

8. Believe that there is someone better for you, even if that person is you. Sometimes you’re better off alone than with someone who doesn’t value your company.

9. No one is the villain; we’re all trying our best with the experiences that shaped us to become the people that we’re. Everyone is a work in progress.

10.You can always bet on yourself; you can never go wrong with doing things for yourself. I always found it easier to do things for other people, but when it came to doing things for myself. I wouldn’t do it because it took too much work. Get a hobby, go to therapy, take yourself on date. Shift your thinking from them to you.

Disclaimer: I’m not a certified expert on toxic relationships. I’m just sharing what I know helped me work through things, I went back to the person many times, probably about 100 (not exaggerating). It’s a process, I’m still working through it, and I hope that my words can help you or someone you know.

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